“Drink your milk”
Your life’s biggest horror story is contained in these three words. You have constantly fought against people who keep proclaiming how healthy it is to drink milk. The horrible white, milkiness of milk gets on your nerves. If you don’t just dislike, you detest, abhor and hate milk. Then you will find yourself nodding your head in agreement to the following:
1. It was a task for your parents to make you drink milk when you were a child.
They spent hours trying to convince you how drinking milk would make you as strong as a superhero and obviously didn’t succeed.
2. No amount of Bournvita/Horlicks can help you gulp a glass down.
You basically add a couple of spoonfuls of milk to a glass of Chocolate powder and sugar and still can’t drink it up.
3. You always pretend like you are drinking your milk and then stealthily pour it down the drain.
You keep praying to God to get away with it and are really happy when you actually do.
4. You don’t understand why anyone would want to spoil the taste of cocoa by mixing it with milk and try to pass it off as hot chocolate.
Yes, hot chocolate looks really good. But because of CHOCOLATE. Milk is just yucky.
5. Malai and ghee are NOT edible. The film of malai that settles on the top is like a crown to the yuckiness of milk.
Malai maar ke chai is unacceptable for you and ghee has a disgusting smell that makes it difficult for you to eat.
6. Your pet cat/dog became your best friend because they finished your milk for you.
They kept getting fatter everyday and your parents kept wondering why they were never hungry.
7. People drinking huge tumblers of milk make you feel eekie.
You just can’t understand what makes them do that.
8. You’d rather eat Calcium Sandoz than drink milk.
Or any other Calcium substitute. But definitely not milk.
9. All hell breaks loose when your granny tries to feed you malai.
She doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t eat it and you don’t understand why she doesn’t understand that you don’t want to.
10. You were frequently bribed with toys, chocolates or junk food to make you drink milk.
“Do chocolate aur ek McDonald ka burger milega toh main doodh piyunga”.
11. You never can and never will fall for all those ads which declare how tasty milk is.
Advertisements are misleading as always.
12. The only way to make you consume milk is to make delicious sweets.
So your parents spend a lot of time cooking kheer so as to make you consume milk.
13. You think it requires a lot of courage to empty a tall glass of milk.
Only the bravest can mange this feat and hence earn your respect.
14. You frequently lie about being lactose intolerant because you don’t want to drink milk.
It always works!
15. You have often wondered how milk manages to taste so bad!
While milk products like paneer and cheese are an absolute treat.
16. Milk powder replaces milk in all beverages. It does not have the disgusting smell and taste of milk.
If not, then black coffee is the way to go. Or green tea if you are in a healthy mood.
17. You scoop out all the cereal loops from your bowl of cereal and leave all the milk behind.
All the milk left in the bowl then goes down the drain.
18. Basically you empty half a carton of your chocolatey cereal into a bowl of milk.
So that chocolate can make up for its horrid taste.
19. You argue that you get all the nutrients of milk from chocolates and ice-cream. So, you don’t need to drink milk.
Clever, right? See you don’t need milk for your grey cells to develop.
20. Even today, a glass of milk is the greatest threat to your mental well-being.
Nothing comes close to that trauma.
So, what’s your milk-horror story?
The original version of this post can be found here.