WEB CHUTNEY

Pakistan may be one of the developing nations of the world but when it comes to first world problems… we have them all! We are an empathetic nation that’s always looking for a cause to fight for; be it the rights of minorities or education for the underprivileged, we’ve got it all covered. Simultaneously though, there’s a side of us that tends to forget the bigger issues and drowns itself in the graver miseries of life:

Here are some of the first world problems that are found in Pakistan:

1. I need a change in my life! What colour should I dye my hair? Should I get highlights or lowlights or an ombré?

2. Yaar bohat tension hai, savings ka scene on karna hai ab! Need to get those massive 76 inch diamond studded rims with the batmobile type lights for my already-quite-flashy vehicle!

We may not be as rich as the Arabs, but we don’t fail to shoot for the stars.

3. I can never wear my Burberry shoes again! Ali k mamoo k betay k best friend k bhai k pass same hain! Why does he have to copy me in everything?

(Let’s not forget Lawn prints- a similar dilemma all over again)

And they’re probably cheap replicas too!

4. “I’m so broke! Don’t know how I’ll survive the month!” said the girl exiting Sana Safinaz with three shopping bags, who copes with life’s hurdles using SuperDaddy’s credit card!

5. I have NO real dancers to dance at my mehndi. My mehndi will be the worst and most boring one ever! Everyone just had great wedding functions… Why me, why why why?!?

(Bibi, your future is at stake now!!)

6. I haven’t been able to get anytime to myself since the baby came into our lives. And these maids… uff! Yeh tau mother-in-law se bhi buri hain. Including the two Filipino ones!

Sigh.. motherhood.. so tough!

7. Humarey ghar mein kabhi kuch acha kyun nahi pakta!

(Today’s menu includes lasagna, salads, garlic bread, apple pie and Ferrero Chocolate cake-ONLY)

8. All my friends have iPhones, how can I even think of using a Chinese phone? Even if it’s really good for the price and has almost all the same features - I just CAN’T!

(Blasphemy)

9. I am 17. I go to one of the best schools in the city, go to academy later (because that’s the norm), drive around in my own car, meet my friends for a smoke in the evening, come home to a clean room, a warm meal, ironed clothes for two weeks and I STILL think I have the WORST life ever because the stupid cable is not working on my personal TV. Now that is Just. Not. Acceptable.

(Now I shall have a free pass to throw tantrums and blame and scream at my mother for everything.)

10. “My Valima dress is from HSY, I have a bad feeling about my in-laws taste though…”

“HSY? That seems kind of cheap no? I’ve ordered all my dresses from Manish Malhotra! From India.”

11. Raziya k niece ki 1^st birthday par magic show hua tha. How boring. I got a jumping castle too. And personalised velvet favour boxes for my daughter’s 1^st. And crystal centerpieces, imported from France. But I only ordered a 10 pound cake. I don’t think it will be enough! My daughter is never going to forgive me for throwing such a bad first birthday…

(Monetary value of party- Rs. 263 580/-)

12. My dad is telling me to limit my wedding functions to just 5! How can he do that? Why doesn’t he realise that he worked hard his entire life just to afford a month long of extravagant and unnecessary functions for me?

I mean, there’s the Friends’ Dholki, the Family Dholki, The Grand Dholki, The Mayun, The Nikkah, The Qawali Night, The Mehndi, the Barat and then an after party. No no, he HAS to agree. I’m Daddy’s princess.

Some princess you are bibi!

Soooo stressed. Sigh, we need help.